apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
