Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
