Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Welp...herpes.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
