you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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