but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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