If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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