My room smells like vodka and shame
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
