ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
