I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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