Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
