I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
