me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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