me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
