i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
