so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
