what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
