The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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