Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
