guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
