your room smells of hookers.
And success
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
