Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
