And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
