so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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