i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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