im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
