ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
