I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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