Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
