i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
