Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
