rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
