dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
