I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
