We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
