I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
