ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it's like heaven, but drunker
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
