oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
