Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
