Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
