Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
