he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Let's get the cat blown out
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
