Umm I'm too high to move.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
