wanna go halves on a baby?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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