i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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