im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Vodka?
Forever.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
