i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
