how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
