are you so shy because you have an std?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
