So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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