the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
