Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
